School starts again tomorrow. I don't teach til Tuesday, but I do want to be back on campus around people. I have to say that, as nice as time off is, it's something like a double-edged sword for me. I enjoy my time alone, but when I have too much of it, I do end up feeling lonely and in my own world. I never really knew til these last couple years how much I really depend on being around people. I probably should have put that together sooner, being an actor and all. What I do depends on people, observing them, understanding what makes them tick.
It's really stunning how being trained to be an actor really gifts you with the ability to see what's really going on with people. We study human activity and behavior and why this person is always as close as they can be to this other person in this group of people but how that shifts when this other person comes into the room... It's pretty stunning. You can almost see through people; not in a malicious or mean way, but in a way that makes motives and emotions clear to you without any objective description or confirmation.
That's not to say that it doesn't bother me to be so often the observor. It does make me feel disconnected. That feeds back to the lonliness sometimes, especially and particularly right now, I have to say. SO many people I know all around are getting married or having kids. Most of the people I know here are with someone. From time to time it does get to me, and right now is one of those times. I'm a good person, and I'll find someone, eventually.
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