8/28/10

I have an audition Monday for "Broadway Bound". I'm hopeful. There are a couple roles in there that I could do. I could be a Eugene I think. I could be his brother. I suppose it depends on the talent level that they get at Boca Raton Theatre Guild. So, who knows?

I've been reading a lot recently, since I don't have a lot else to do right now. One idea that I found interesting in Bret Easton Ellis' work is the notion that no one will ever "know" anyone else. He means something really specific by "know". It's not in an everyday sense. What I at least think he's saying is that, no matter how close you are to someone, how much you think you've become a part of their life, they will always be slightly foreign to you, their motives will always be impossible for you to discern with total accuracy, and, to put it simply, you'll never know them, even if and maybe especially when you're in love with them.

I'm not sure about this. On a certain level it makes sense to me. You can never know what's going on in anyone else's mind but your own. People are in the dark about their own motives enough as it is, so how could you ever know if they didn't?

On the other hand, I feel like an actor trains you to be observant, to be able to understand what's happening between people without having to be told. I'm not sure I really understood this until I began Graduate School work but, almost without fail, I've been totally unsurprised by every single gossipy revelation that I've been exposed to in my time here. Because, if you just pay attention and watch people interact... you see things and what's gossip becomes obvious. It's really true.

This maybe isn't exactly what he's talking about though. I suppose that could just be behavior and not motive. Certainly motive seems shady sometimes. You can't really begin to fathom why people do things a lot of the time. All of this is preamble I suppose to the fear that no one really knows me and, what's far worse, that no one really wants to. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. It seems to me that it's a pretty human fear. When I'm lonely like I am right now, though, it does become louder and more difficult to ignore.

As a postscript, I should say, if you want to understand the experience of living in Florida, at least the way I've perceived it, you should read Bret Easton Ellis. "The Rules of Attraction" in particular.